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It's an amazing thing to behold, they're like Brazilian Piss Carnivals at this point. It gay makes you proud to be gay an American. Anyway, Toney went for the Cokes while I proved the first part of their business model to be ironclad gay (in this case urgently so). But during our quarter-mile hike from the outer reaches of the parking lot I begged her to exercise a little restraint in her soft drink purchases. We'd both been complaining of severe thirst, I think our innards were encrusted with some kind of weird baseball residue, and I've seen her when she gets this way. I didn't want or need a drink so large you have to hold it with both hands. Through experience I've learned that it's mighty difficult to maneuver a car with a mop bucket of soda sloshing around in your lap, and that the drink-holders will only open so far: they have a finite expanse. She assured me that I had nothing to worry about, and we parted ways in front of the bathrooms, which were roaring like goddamn Niagara.
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