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Afterward, I wasn't sure whether to slip her my number or smoke a cigarette.Then I left for a pre-dinner snack at Old Country Buffet, wiping out the entire place fat before I was booted for climbing onto the steam table to lick the remnants in the mashed potatoes bin. Later as fat I was plowing through a Sam's Club vat of triple chocolate fudge ice cream, my cell phone rang. It was a rep from the Maxim party, informing that I'd been cut because I didn't have the right body fat type, that I was too "voluptuous." That, and they didn't have the forklift that was necessary to haul my Orca-like physique onto the go-go dancing platform. They wouldn't even put my name on the guest list so I could still go to the party (probably for fear I'd inhale all the hors d'oeuvres.)
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